Adult Dating Stories, and Advice

Ladies I have got to tell you, men do not get the subtle hints you think are overly obvious. A recent dating experience left me completely bewildered, and once I spoke with some of other girlfriends, they all agreed that the situation was a great big hint to take her to the bedroom and remove the rest of her clothes, but I didn’t get it. Now I am thinking that she must of thought I rejected her, and I am sure she is thinking about a million reasons why she was rejected, it’s probably hit her self esteem, and all of this because I a was unsure if she was hinting or just flirting and teasing.

Of course I thought for a moment that she may be drunk and ready to go all the way, but I am too much of a gentlemen to take advantage of a drunk girl, even if we had been out several times, and all the indicators were that she is interested in me. Call me old fashioned, or neo-gentlemen, but I don’t want the first time to be a drunken mistake that is easily forgotten. Is it too much to want the first time to be a sober experience?

Back to the hints. Ladies if you are dropping hints left and right and the guy you are with seems completely oblivious, he is.  I have now had several talks with many different women about hints they may or may not drop on dates, and I am completely amazed. To think of all the hints I have been given and unknowingly rejected all these years. I’m sure there are many more too. Somehow we need a women’s hint book so guys can get a clue. This would be a bestseller no doubt. It’s my idea first!

Sometimes you just can’t depend on hints,many guys will be unsure will tend to lean on the side of caution and not take a hint for what it is, even if they do catch it, as many of us are so scared of rejection, that we’d rather keep waiting for a sure thing than misread an obvious hint. If you want intimacy, sometimes you are going to have to initiate it. Many of us men out here would really appreciate it.

I stumbled across this question from yahoo answers, as it was on the yahoo front page. The question itself was pretty incomplete in my mind, and so was the best rated answer. I think the best rated answer was more of an affirmation that the question asker was looking for than a really good answer. Kind of like the advice that many people are looking for when calling a relationship psychic.

There is no one answer fits all to this question. How soon to date after a divorce is going to be on a case by case basis. There are so many factors involved. A few that come to mind off the bat include:

1. How long were you married?
2. What are your dating goals?
3. Have you processed your feelings and healed your heart?

Several relationship books and experiences in my life suggest that a one third rule is pretty close. For example, if you were married for 2 years, and were in an exclusive relationship with your ex for a year prior, then you have a 3 year total. Take one third of that (one year), and you have an average amount of time that is may take to process your feelings, heal your hurts, and become emotionally ready to move on into the dating pool without too much baggage. This number varies with many factors, including how many other unprocessed feelings from other relationships you may have, and if you have slowed down the healing process by indulging in drugs or alcohol. Of course there are also methods of speeding up this process, and I recommend the mothods outlined in the book from John Gray, Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One.

Of course your dating goals are a factor. If you are just looking to get out and be sociable, have some fun and all that, then dating at anytime should be fine. I think it is important to be honest with a date about your goals. If you are just looking to meet some new people, have an excuse to put on some nice clothes and get out of the house, then say so. I always make sure to tell a would be date what mode I am in. If the person I am going out with is looking for a lover to get serious with and is thinking I may a good candidate for living together and taking care of their kids, yet I am just looking for a good time, and know that I am a while away from emotional availability, then I make it known. Sometimes people go out with different goals and expectations. It is much better to be up front about your dating goals, this will save both of you from a potential embarrassing evening.

Processing the feelings from previous relationships is the mature thing to do. When someone takes you out, it is not their job to be an unpaid therapist, or your emotional tampon. It is not fair to someone who is looking to you for possible intimacy only to find that the slow song they want to ask you to dance to brings tears to your eyes because you have unfinished baggage to process. There are books, group meetings and counselors that can help you get rid of those old feelings so you can be open and ready to find love again, take advantage of the knowledge that is out there. You may find the real love you are looking for, but you will have a hard time finding it if you are constantly having issues with the love you lost.

I’m sure there are many other factors around these as well. If you have kids there are sure to be more, what kind of town you live in, and religious or other cultural considerations should also be weighed. Whatever you do, don’t divorce one day and start dating a relative, best friend or coworker of you ex anytime soon. Unless you are just begging to be on the Springer show, show a little maturity and respect, it will come back to you in the future.

Please leave your comment or dating experience in the comment field below. I am interested in other people’s viewpoints, thoughts and feelings on this subject as well.

What can you do when you end up setting up a date with a two different people and later find out they are good friends? All kinds of things run through my mind wondering what details they may be sharing, and thinking about the cattiness that may come out between the friends. I suppose there could be all kinds of issues during and after the dates. And what happens if you choose one over the other to continue to see and explore a more intimate relationship with?

I’m not the kind of person that wants to hurt anyone’s feelings and I certainly don’t want to come between friends, well, not that coming in the achieving orgasm sense of the word between tow friends would be bad, but I don’t want to ruin any friendships out there. I have chosen not to pursue further dates in the past because it may cause issues with friends. But sometimes I have not been able to avoid having a crush on two friends at the same time.

I don’t know what the right thing to do in this particular situation is. I really like both girls, and would love to date them both, but I know that most likely won’t last. Not wanting to hurt feelings, but both of these girls have the potential of being a great long term relationship. This is one that I may not be able to just walk away from both of them.

Of course I know that this is setting things up to be a more difficult dating situation with the possibility of many uncomfortable moments for us as a couple and for her, but these girls are really special in many ways, and I want them to be able to be friends at the same time I would love to date them both. I could see myself with either one of these girls individually. I guess time will tell, things get so confusing when feelings get involved.