Adult Dating Stories, and Advice

Lovers turn to text message to say it’s over

From Reuters

LONDON (Reuters) - U R dumped — one in seven say they have suffered the same fate as Britney Spears’ ex-husband and been told it’s all over via text message or email, a survey said Friday.

While hiding behind technology might appear a cowardly way of splitting up, it contrasts with the four percent who simply drop all communication with their lovers without notice.

“Most of us send emails and texts everyday, so it comes as no surprise they are now being used to ditch someone — however distasteful this is,” said Rob Barnes from moneysupermarket.com, which carried out the survey.

“The results show one per cent of the population would use a social networking site to dump a partner. It would be interesting to see how this changes as sites such as Facebook and MySpace become more apparent in our everyday lives.”

One of the most high-profile victims of dumping by text was Kevin Federline, who reportedly received news that pop singer Spears was filing for divorce while being filmed for a television show.

The survey said 15 percent of the 2,194 people questioned had been dumped by text or email, although a quarter of those in the most tech-savvy 18 to 24-year-old age group would choose the traditional method — a letter.

(Reporting by Michael Holden)

I’ve read many articles about breaking up, suggestions for doing it “right”, suggestions for healing your broken heart, and suggesting for letting someone go the best way. Most of these articles suggest doing it person, and not breaking up with someone through email, text, or on the phone. The reality of today’s busy lifestyle is that we may not have the time to meet up in person to break up. My recent break up occurred with her being an hour and a half away, and the conversation just led to us breaking up. So it was done on the phone. Not in person.

Sure I would of liked to do it in person, I would liked to have seen some emotion in her eyes, perhaps that would of made me feel better on some level. However I can totally see doing the break up through email or text, depending on the situation of the people involved. I’ve been in relationships where we texted more than talked the whole time, given that we are both super busy and often in locations that do not allow for easy talking on the phone, a break up text today with some dating scenarios would not be unusual. Heck, if you can fight and ague through text messages, why not end it that way?

Of course texts can be saved and shown to friends, and with part of the text conversation deleted, easily taken out of context, so I am careful what I text. There is unfortunately no way to unsend a text, and the delivery is quite fast these days. Just make sure you send it to the right person, and not your entire contact list. Also be prepared for your texts to be forwarded to your partners friends, if it gets around to the entire dating circle that you ended things with a text, it could make it more difficult to find a new lover and start dating again with the reputation of being a cold insensitive texter.

Another issue with text and email messages that drives me crazy is how they can be read in different ways by differnt people, certainly by now you have had some kind of misunderstanding through a written message, I know I have gotten a few confused phone calls where people read something I sent as a joke, seriously, and it could be the other way. Without facial expressions and inflection of voice, it is easy for people to misread texts and emails.

Well this is kind of surprising, but after reading more into it, it makes sense. The study that was done said a majority of the women surveyed communicated through several emails about safety, meeting, stds and other issues before meeting on the first date. This survey shows proof that online dating works. You can establish a relationship online that translates into offline action. Emails and instant messaging certainly can save time, and in this day and age with so much going on, I certainly enjoy saving time. I think what is left our of this study is the fact that there is much weeding through people in the online dating environment, making it easier to choose to have intimate relations with one that you meet, as opposed to traditional method of meeting offline to get to know each other first.

When you are limited to offline meeting you can’t save as much time as you can with online dating. With online dating you have the opportunity to sort through the things you don’t want quickly. You can also communicate quickly about important issues that may take more time to get into with someone when you have take the time to go through all the motions of mundane things.

from News.com.au
ONE third of women who meet someone online have sex on the first date, and three quarters of these do not use a condom, according to a new survey.

The survey, published in the US journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy, is alarming for those who push the safe sex message - particularly as chlamydia and HIV infection rates in Australia are now at a 10-year high.

The US study, which surveyed 568 women, also found 27 per cent of respondents performed oral sex on the first date.

Felicity Percival, editor of Women’s Health magazine, said the results were worrying but not surprising.

“People do feel more comfortable with each other when they’ve had lots of conversations online, whether it’s through RSVP, Facebook, or any online social network,” she said.

I found a post on some college board talking about how more and more people are using social networks and computer technology to cheat on their lovers. Now I am of course a big fan of using technology for online dating, meeting and networking, but if you are in a relationship with someone who believes there is exclusivity, what actions cross the line?

One of my former girlfriends was constantly bombarded with emails from guys offering dates, time, money, all kinds of things, via the myspace social network. That didn’t really bother me, but I wonder what kind of replies she would make sometimes, and if there were times that she considered any of these offers? I also wonder how she could get so mad at me when I kept in email contact with some of my ex’s. Social networks, myspace, emails, instant messengers, text messages, all of this technology can make it easier to show your love, and it can also make it easier to stray. So what crosses the line?

I know this is different for different people, certainly there are couples out there that agree to break all communication with all ex lovers, I’ve been in a relationship like that. I have also been in relations where we were open about communicating with previous lovers. Certainly if you are dating someone that has kids and needs to be in contact with a baby daddy or baby momma as there are so lovingly referred to these days, there is going to be some kind of communication.

A recent talk with an ex girlfriend enlightened me on how she sees talking with other people while in a committed relationship.  She said that when talking to other people she would not say or type anything that would be embarrassing for her boyfriend to hear or read. She thought it would be inappropriate to bag on her man or flirt with someone, even if it wasn’t physical cheating. That’s pretty smart, although I wonder how many people would actually follow that line of thinking given the possibility of anonymous instant communication.

I have had girlfriends go through and read my emails and text messages. What bothered me most about that was the lack of trust first of all. Secondly, in my experience, someone who is lacking that trust and worries that you may use a method to cheat, may be the kind of person that is using that method to cheat themselves. I never worried about a girlfriend finding something bad in my messages, it has happened in some one way communications, girls that emailed wanting to pursue dating with me, girls expressing love, but I am honorable in my replies, and if someone did not respect my current relationship boundaries then I would do whatever was necessary at the time. I suppose I have been following that way of thinking for some time.

So what crosses the line for you?

Have you read your partners texts or emails without them knowing?

Have you used other technology to spy on your partner to see if they are being inappropriate with others?