Adult Dating Stories, and Advice

Well this is kind of surprising, but after reading more into it, it makes sense. The study that was done said a majority of the women surveyed communicated through several emails about safety, meeting, stds and other issues before meeting on the first date. This survey shows proof that online dating works. You can establish a relationship online that translates into offline action. Emails and instant messaging certainly can save time, and in this day and age with so much going on, I certainly enjoy saving time. I think what is left our of this study is the fact that there is much weeding through people in the online dating environment, making it easier to choose to have intimate relations with one that you meet, as opposed to traditional method of meeting offline to get to know each other first.

When you are limited to offline meeting you can’t save as much time as you can with online dating. With online dating you have the opportunity to sort through the things you don’t want quickly. You can also communicate quickly about important issues that may take more time to get into with someone when you have take the time to go through all the motions of mundane things.

from News.com.au
ONE third of women who meet someone online have sex on the first date, and three quarters of these do not use a condom, according to a new survey.

The survey, published in the US journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy, is alarming for those who push the safe sex message - particularly as chlamydia and HIV infection rates in Australia are now at a 10-year high.

The US study, which surveyed 568 women, also found 27 per cent of respondents performed oral sex on the first date.

Felicity Percival, editor of Women’s Health magazine, said the results were worrying but not surprising.

“People do feel more comfortable with each other when they’ve had lots of conversations online, whether it’s through RSVP, Facebook, or any online social network,” she said.

I found a post on some college board talking about how more and more people are using social networks and computer technology to cheat on their lovers. Now I am of course a big fan of using technology for online dating, meeting and networking, but if you are in a relationship with someone who believes there is exclusivity, what actions cross the line?

One of my former girlfriends was constantly bombarded with emails from guys offering dates, time, money, all kinds of things, via the myspace social network. That didn’t really bother me, but I wonder what kind of replies she would make sometimes, and if there were times that she considered any of these offers? I also wonder how she could get so mad at me when I kept in email contact with some of my ex’s. Social networks, myspace, emails, instant messengers, text messages, all of this technology can make it easier to show your love, and it can also make it easier to stray. So what crosses the line?

I know this is different for different people, certainly there are couples out there that agree to break all communication with all ex lovers, I’ve been in a relationship like that. I have also been in relations where we were open about communicating with previous lovers. Certainly if you are dating someone that has kids and needs to be in contact with a baby daddy or baby momma as there are so lovingly referred to these days, there is going to be some kind of communication.

A recent talk with an ex girlfriend enlightened me on how she sees talking with other people while in a committed relationship.  She said that when talking to other people she would not say or type anything that would be embarrassing for her boyfriend to hear or read. She thought it would be inappropriate to bag on her man or flirt with someone, even if it wasn’t physical cheating. That’s pretty smart, although I wonder how many people would actually follow that line of thinking given the possibility of anonymous instant communication.

I have had girlfriends go through and read my emails and text messages. What bothered me most about that was the lack of trust first of all. Secondly, in my experience, someone who is lacking that trust and worries that you may use a method to cheat, may be the kind of person that is using that method to cheat themselves. I never worried about a girlfriend finding something bad in my messages, it has happened in some one way communications, girls that emailed wanting to pursue dating with me, girls expressing love, but I am honorable in my replies, and if someone did not respect my current relationship boundaries then I would do whatever was necessary at the time. I suppose I have been following that way of thinking for some time.

So what crosses the line for you?

Have you read your partners texts or emails without them knowing?

Have you used other technology to spy on your partner to see if they are being inappropriate with others?

I found an article titles “Sex and the Single Mom: What a Mom Wants” at Web MD courtesy of Redbook.

I think this is one of the things applies to most women, single mom or not, although after reading her story I can see how it would apply to a woman who has kids and has to spend so much time making the plans. A few of my favorite quotes from the story:

A friend of mine once told me that to a single working mom, the sexiest words in the English language are “I’ll take care of it.”

 It wasn’t his touch or his kiss. No, what really did it for me was his words: He started to tell me of our plans. He’d made dinner reservations at a different type of restaurant each night so that I could experience various parts of London; he had gotten theater tickets; there was a museum show he thought I might like; there were walks he wanted to take me on. He presented all this in the sweetest, least overbearing way, and I was deeply impressed — and touched — that he had put so much thought and effort into it.

 …but what really allowed me to let go (in all ways!) was the way that Daniel had taken responsibility for all the niggling logistics I was so used to dealing with, freeing me to think of other things. Or better yet, not to think at all

 But those days (and nights) with him taught me something I was in danger of forgetting: that true romance blossoms with the ability to fully depend on another person, knowing you don’t have to do everything alone.

Now I must admit I am surprised that making plans resonated in her mind as more important than his touch, but after thinking about it, I guess it makes sense. From a man’s perspective I know it is quite stressful to make all the plans, fears of setting up something that she may not enjoy can leave you wondering if you should ask about all the things you are considering. I try to find as much about my potential date before making plans. Types of music and things she enjoys doing can make it a bit easier to scan the possibilities. After reading her story though, I imagine just having everything taken care of will make for a good date, even if all the activities are not exactly the ones she would have chosen, the act of not having to choose in itself can be a little vacation. I will remember to put aside my perfectionism when planning next time and offer a mini vacation for my next date.